Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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