he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
