I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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