I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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