Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
