4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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