i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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