Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
