So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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