2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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