there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
