Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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