i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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