Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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