I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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