An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
not ubering you a puppy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
