is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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