I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
