Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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