he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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