that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His hands were made for my vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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