It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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