you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
