haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
false alarm, still single
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
