it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize