I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
