census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
