I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
