She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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