Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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