Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

  (210): View more from Texas

  Put my glitter back.

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  (214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc
  Replies (16) Good night (3258) Bad night (617)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..

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  (904): watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too.. http://tfl.nu/rujn
  Replies (9) Good night (3379) Bad night (637)
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  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

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  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (999) Bad night (5245)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...

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  (480): This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk... http://tfl.nu/3yzu
  Replies (26) Good night (1693) Bad night (3471)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

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  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
  Replies (23) Good night (6561) Bad night (858)
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  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (886) Bad night (6835)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments

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  (602): i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments http://tfl.nu/teyj
  Replies (8) Good night (2510) Bad night (978)
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  (516): View more from New York

  oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick

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  (516): oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick http://tfl.nu/bh3i
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (477)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed

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  (585): If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/2pf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1726) Bad night (459)
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  (818): View more from California

  I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

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  (818): I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol http://tfl.nu/sihy
  Replies (6) Good night (1337) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.

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  (931): I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds. http://tfl.nu/alhy
  Replies (1) Good night (954) Bad night (485)
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  (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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  (347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc
  Replies (4) Good night (471) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
  Replies (6) Good night (575) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?

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  (832): I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going? http://tfl.nu/o7kr
  Replies (8) Good night (1104) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.

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  (203): We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed. http://tfl.nu/i2gt
  Replies (1) Good night (1012) Bad night (357)

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