Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant

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  (212): I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant http://tfl.nu/ncxa
  Replies (9) Good night (855) Bad night (1435)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (2255) Bad night (4128)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

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  (708): After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded." http://tfl.nu/j96i
  Replies (51) Good night (6970) Bad night (938)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.

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  (330): She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that. http://tfl.nu/ix7p
  Replies (15) Good night (4058) Bad night (1888)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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  (905): the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster http://tfl.nu/r7o9
  Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (3846)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

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  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4528) Bad night (1741)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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  (608): The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well. http://tfl.nu/1rx6
  Replies (8) Good night (5836) Bad night (967)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.

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  (303): Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/tm81
  Replies (18) Good night (1156) Bad night (1819)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.

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  (314): I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from. http://tfl.nu/x0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (1605) Bad night (771)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.

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  (303): But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed. http://tfl.nu/6rp2
  Replies (7) Good night (2743) Bad night (753)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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  (978): The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty. http://tfl.nu/l80d
  Replies (10) Good night (2097) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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  (828): NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE http://tfl.nu/lvmw
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (1696)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  As weird as it sounds I would totally be down

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  (847): Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks. (630): As weird as it sounds I would totally be down http://tfl.nu/3ahb
  Replies (8) Good night (1292) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.

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  (614): Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane. http://tfl.nu/2bgv
  Replies (6) Good night (1653) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.

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  (610): call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door. http://tfl.nu/cqoi
  Replies (6) Good night (552) Bad night (788)

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