are you still at the devil's house?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My balls are so social today.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid