Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.