its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was like eating out sand paper
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird