So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
