I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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