It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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