do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
