im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
