haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
