he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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