a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
