you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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