oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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