I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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