I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
