its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
