I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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