WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
