I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
