so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
