Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
