remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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