I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
