If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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