you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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