This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
