she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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