You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
