i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
