the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
