do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
