areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
