There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How naked do you want me to be?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
